Breaking the Stigma: Overcoming Depression as a Man - Insights and Tips from Nichole McKever - Registered Social Worker at Shelly Qualtieri Counselling & Associates

Written by our team at Shelly Qualtieri Counselling & Associates

Introduction

Have you ever heard the phrase "man up?" This toxic phrase has been used for generations to shame men into suppressing their emotions and avoiding seeking help for mental health issues. 

At Shelly Qualtieri Counselling & Associates, we recognize the damaging effects of this stigma and strive to create a safe and supportive environment for men to open up about their struggles with depression and other mental health issues. We believe that breaking down the stigma surrounding men's mental health is critical to helping men heal and thrive.

To shed more light on this issue, we sat down with Nichole McKever, a registered social worker with a passion for helping men overcome mental health challenges. In this interview, Nichole shares her insights on the impact of stigma on men's mental health and offers strategies to help men overcome depression and other issues. Check out our interview below. 

Photo courtesy of Nichole Mckever

Interview with Registered Social Worker Nichole McKever - About Counselling and Men’s Mental Health

• How do you see the stigma surrounding men and mental health impacting their willingness to seek help for depression?

In my opinion, stigma surrounding this one is strongly felt. It seems to keep some men from starting counselling, and those that do manage to start, often have trouble finding words to describe what is happening in their lives. Not only does there seem to be stigma from society, but there also seems to be self-imposed stigma. There seems to be a lot of self-cancelling and internal dialogue that might resemble phrases like “man up”, “you’re useless”, “this is not a real problem”, “there’s something wrong with you”, “there’s nothing therapy can do for me”, “I should be able to figure this out myself”, etc. 

If you think about it, these are all very harsh messages that would contribute to lowering one’s mood and self-esteem. Many of us do not realise the impact of negative thoughts. 

From a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) perspective, these thoughts impact our mood, which then impacts our behaviour, creating a cycle that keeps us stuck. 

• What are common misconceptions that men might have about depression and how do you address them in your counselling practice?

Some estimates show that 1 in 6 people experience symptoms of depression at least once throughout their lifespan (Davidson & Meltzer-Brody, 1999) - which means it is quite common and not a personality “flaw” that one can simply bully themselves out of it with negative self-talk. 

Yes, you read that right. Negative and harsh self-talk, in my opinion, is bullying oneself, and I don’t know a single person who felt good after bullying. Learning about depression and applying psychological interventions like CBT, with the help of a trained therapist, can help a person manage their symptoms. 

• In your experience, what are some effective strategies or techniques for overcoming depression as a man? 

Providing a safe place for communication goes a long way. Knowing that you are not alone, that this is not simply “in your head," and that tools exist is also quite reassuring. I can offer strategies from a CBT perspective, which addresses one’s thoughts, behaviours, and emotions.

More clarity around how CBT can help men with depression

CBT offers a specific intervention model for symptoms of depression that can be adapted to work with everyone’s needs. I will also suggest an appointment with your medical doctor to make sure all bases are covered. 

• How can men build a support network that encourages and supports their mental health and well-being?

A common theme I hear is that they simply don’t talk with their buddies in this way. However, the only way to build deeper connections with people is to be vulnerable and take the leap. 

This may be with your existing friends, family, or you may choose to build it with entirely new people. Feeling safe and connected is key. The important thing to remember is that safe and supportive people do exist, and it is up to us to decide if we want to and can be vulnerable enough to create these types of relationships with one another. 

• What advice would you offer to men who are struggling with depression but may be hesitant to reach out for help?

It’s a little cliché, but the first step is often the hardest because our fear of the unknown can be quite paralysing. It is important to remember that you are always in control, and you always have choice. 

One step at a time is key. Reaching out to a therapist does not mean you are committed to therapy forever. Think about your needs and search for a therapist who identifies that they are able to help with that concern or those symptoms. You can watch videos, search for the address, and get a feel for the therapist/clinic before making an appointment. Also make use of free consultations if they are offered!

Interview Questions Written by Nichole McKever, MA, ADTP, RSW, RP

Conclusion

Nichole McKever is a compassionate and dedicated registered social worker with unparalleled experience and expertise in catering to the unique needs of men. She possesses a wealth of knowledge and skills to help men with a range of concerns, including depression, anxiety, trauma, and other problems related to helping men break the stigma around mental health and get the support they deserve! 

As a man, we see you and want to support you on this journey! Whether you are experiencing a mental health crisis, dealing with relationship or parenting challenges, or simply seeking to improve your emotional well-being, Nichole and the team at Shelly Qualtieri & Associates are here for you! Contact us today to schedule a consultation and experience the difference that exceptional mental health care can make in your life. 

Reference: Davidson, J., & Meltzer-Brody, S. (1999). The underrecognition and undertreatment of depression: what is the breadth and depth of the problem? Journal of Clinical Psychiatry. Retrieved from https://www.psychiatrist.com/read-pdf/21820/