How Do I Want to Show up in my Relationships

Our Identities are socially and environmentally influenced, they are fluid. Who we are and how we show up in our relationships is in constant flux that ebbs and flows depending on who we are connecting with, our emotional attachment to that person or our professional role. When we are aware of the qualities and values we want to emanate for ourselves, we are more likely to live them out day-to-day and in all of our relationships.

Through all of my important relationships (including work), I want my values to shine. Some of these qualities for myself include: curiosity, compassion, empathy, patience, creativity, engagement, connection and kindness. I am better able to embody these qualities when they are at the forefront of my mind.  Howevedr, whenI’m stressed, tired, overwhelmed, or on “autopilot,” sometimes these great qualities fall by the wayside and I feel a strain in my connection and communication.

I was reminded of this the other day during an intense conversation with my son – let’s just say, my best self was not as present as I wish it were. As with teens, he wanted to assert his authority and knowledge and I... wanted to be in charge.  He wasn't lettiing go nor was he backing down and he was repeating his plea again and again.   I shut him down.   Flat.  I gave him an ultimatum and well, you know how that went....  disastrous.  After the emotions diffused, I realized I had gone about that conversation the wrong way and I apologized.  That was not the way I wanted to show up as a parent nor as a confidant or mentor.

Although there will be times when we are our best selves, there will be others when we struggle with how we are, that is normal, natural and human! 

As you reflect on how you want to be in your relationships – as a parent, partner, daughter, sibling, aunt, at work, you may also want to consider these questions:

• What are some recent examples of living the qualities and values that are important to you? 
• How do I best bring these to the forefront for me and others?
• Why do these qualities / values matter to me?
• What is it about my experiences that help to bring these qualities / values forth?
• What experiences attempt to block or diminish these qualities / values?

Activity

Sit down with a notebook or print off this pdf worksheet and reflect on how you want to show up in your relationships.

You can download a copy here:

Showing Up Worksheet